Many of us have been in relationships that required some form of “waiting”. This varies from waiting for an expression of feelings or commitment to waiting for circumstances or a person to “change”. The question becomes when is waiting healthy and when does it become a dysfunctional trap? And what is an appropriate timeline for waiting?
Waiting is healthy when both partners are demonstrating tangible commitment to growth through their actions and communications. Where a timeline is given for this growth to deepen individual maturity, heal wounds and patterns that each bring into the relationship and strengthen self-love and self-trust. If the actions are not active and the timeline keeps getting pushed back with excuses and little to no progress then waiting becomes a trap of co-dependency, resistance, and comfort zone.
Some of the indicators that waiting is moving into a danger zone are when anxiety and uncertainty take hold and the cycles of hope to despair and back again are on repeat. When we are always in an obscure timeline that never seems to arrive or have promises that never come to fruition. When the relationship is out of balance, with one partner carrying the emotional load while the other is coasting or non-committal.
Even in a dating phase the waiting question becomes are we dating potential or reality?
And after a break-up, are we waiting for the other person to return, or apologize, or offer an explanation/confession, or to give closure, leading to putting life on hold for someone who may never show up? What action of theirs indicates they will show up if you are waiting?
In our relationships we carry hope. However, hope can be a slippery slope when not concomitant with corresponding actions. So where do we draw the line? The most crucial tool we have when entering a relationship is to ‘know thyself.” To recognize, acknowledge and understand the wounds, patterns and any trauma we carry, to know our relationship attachment dynamics, our level of self-love, self-acceptance and self-trust, and our ability to self-forgive. These factors will all determine the type of relationships we attract and choose.
A difficult truth to grasp is that no one will love you anymore than you are willing to love yourself. As within, so without – this is the Universal Law of Correspondence. Ask yourself: who are you really waiting for to bring you love, comfort, happiness etc.? Inevitably, you will come to understand that you were waiting for yourself.
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