Insight of the Week: Choosing Relationships

It is a natural organic process for humans to seek out relationships, especially those that foster authentic love and connection. Being seen, loved and accepted, respected, cherished, honored and nurtured are qualities we all crave in our intimate relationships. Knowing what we desire is the easy part, however there is another piece to this equation that is less often taken into consideration. All our relationships are mirrors of the relationship we have with ourself and thus become teaching tools. How well you know yourself, including your shadow self, determines the type of relationship you will choose or attract. Do you possess all the characteristics and criteria that you desire, even demand, in another? For you cannot expect or demand of another what you are unwilling to give to yourself first. And you cannot provide another, what you do not possess. The attributes that we seek out in someone else must be attributes that we ourselves impart for the relationship to be balanced and in harmony.

How we choose our relationships is the key to the type of relationship we have. Are we pursuing true connection and love or are we seeking transactions? Transaction is when we seek out a relationship that will in some way benefit us; for example, money, security, lifestyle, status, position, rank/title, image/looks, networking potential or a career boost, sex, ego gratification, or anything that in some way will benefit us personally without consideration of what we ourselves bring to the table. This is a very selfish and one-sided type of transaction. There is also mutual transaction in which the other party is seeking out the same things. In either case, these relationships end when the transaction is no longer viable or beneficial, and they usually end badly becoming a brutally battled debit/credit scorecard. Since these relationships are based on needs and wants, they have a limited timeline or lifespan as opposed to relationships based on love and connection and hence “giving.”

To cultivate a relationship based on love and connection you need to learn to love and connect with yourself first. These relationships become beautiful experiences of mutual growth and support, shared learning experiences, mutual respect, and comprehension and enactment of the divine masculine and feminine principles which morph into deep unconditional love. Self-assess and ask yourself, “how and what am I choosing?”